I have been absent from my beloved blog for months, and words cannot explain the immense regret and sorrow I feel for leaving my non-existent readers without my signature wit. To my understanding, it is the only reason some of you even go online. I can just imagine one of you poor followers sitting down at your computer desk, turning on your Dell PC, waiting for your dial-up internet to connect, launching up your Internet Explorer 6, and then looking with great disappointment at your Bloggiechick-less newsfeed.
But not to fret my darlings! I am back (for now, anyway), and I have a lot of material burning in my arsenal. (I don’t know what an arsenal is but it sounds like something that can burn.)
Of course, before I proceed to expel my genius onto this page, I feel that I owe the internet an explanation as to why I have not been as active on here as I would have liked to be. Here it is:
On September 29, 2013 (the day after my last blog post), I was quietly celebrating my 18th birthday with a few of my closest friends.
We were laughing, tossing around some non-alcoholic drinks because while I am legal to smoke, shoot people, shoot people en masse on a battlefield, and vote incompetent candidates into office, having a shot of tequila is still wholly unacceptable. But I digress.
Anyway, the evening went by smoothly until I got a knock on the door. It was a man in a dark suit who looked like a cross between Jimmy Fallon and Isaiah Mustafa from the Old Spice commercials (use your imagination). He told me in a booming voice that I was chosen to be the next member of the Justice League and that I am to develop powers of super-strength, sonic speed, flight, and seeing what others are doing when they don’t answer my text message.
As you can see, I’ve been fairly busy the last few months. With all my saving-the-universe responsibilities and all, it’s been difficult keeping a presence online. Don’t get me wrong; I’ve tried to fight Atomic Skull while simultaneously typing Random Reviews: Best Man Holiday but it just ended in disaster– much like the movie itself.
(Ha ha just kidding. Check out my review; coming soon.)
So before you judge me for being lazy, understand that I only neglected writing to save the world from erupting into a giant puddle of chaos and destruction. In this crazy time we live in, we all have to learn how to prioritize. I have and because of that, all supernatural threats have been vanquished. What supernatural threats, you ask? Exactly. You are welcome, my friend.
Unfortunately though, one particular incident involving the leakage of an unflattering picture of Superman got me kicked out of the Justice League. Apparently some photos aren’t supposed to go on Twitter. Oops.
Of course, when one door is closed, another is whacking you on the head, telling you to come in. My blog is this door.
While I cannot promise complete devotion –I do have a life, and it’s full of college applications and AP tests– I can promise you (and myself) that I will make more of an effort to write and put more rambling words out into the world instead of bundling them up in my head. It’s running out of capacity.
Your beloved blogger,