It’s prom season!
For some people that means excitement, fun, release, bonding, and scrambling to find the perfect outfits.
Since you are reading this blog, I assume you’re not one of those people.
Before I start, I do want to clarify that I am going to prom so I won’t be able to practice what I teach this year. However, I have had this list in mind for a very long time, believing that I wouldn’t be going. Like you, I too had doubts about the wonders of prom and the hype surrounding it. Sure, movies and TV shows may make prom seem like the second best day of a girl’s life (besides her wedding/birth of her child, whatever one’s priorities are) but in real life, it is simply just another dance where people go just to say they went and then leave for what’s really important: the after-parties.
Sorry idealistic freshmen who are reading this.
Here is the master-list of things that you, and even I, would probably rather do than go to prom. In fact, when you think about the costs involved with finding a dress/tux, corsages, tickets, shoes, accessories, and beauty help (you can’t sho up wit yo hair all ratchet) all to watch people grind on each other on the dance floor for two or so hours, it seems like prom, the supposed greatest night of a high-schooler’s life, isn’t really worth all the work at all.
So without further ado, here are ten things to do while all the other losers are gasping for air in a packed ballroom/gym:
1. Build a baking soda and vinegar rocket:
Make sure you do this outside, preferably over the car of someone you don’t like.
2. Invent a new language:
It’s going to take a while but when you’re finished, not only will you have created 1000+ new words, it’ll be your first step to create a new colony, a new culture of people. Or, maybe they’ll add it to your school’s curriculum. Easy A here you come.
3. Start a cult:
A little creepy but I’m sure your devoted followers could throw a better party than your school can.
I’m serious. It won’t kill you to become cultured.
5. Train a monkey to ride a unicycle and play catch with you:
I couldn’t find a picture for this one. Use your imagination.
6. Put a pile of pillows on the floor and tape some to the wall; bounce back and forth between the two.
Once again, use your imagination.
7. See how much gum you could put in your mouth:
It’s worth noting that you probably won’t look as adorable as this girl with 10 pieces of Hubba Bubba in your mouth.
8. Catch up on the past season of “Smash”
LOL just kidding. For those of you who like this show (or those who know of the show’s existence at all), I’m sorry for offending you… just like I’m sorry there’s little chance for a third season.
9. Make Voodoo Dolls:
Before you skip this suggestion, keep in mind that you could make that jerk who went to prom with your crush have a fairly inconvenient case of diarrhea. I’m not sure how you would do that but that’s why Google was invented.
10. Grab some of your other anti-Prom friends and have a party of your own:
The reason why prom is such a big deal is because it represents a night of togetherness between friends and classmates before everyone goes different ways in the summer, under the loom of Hollywood-esque glamour and lavishness. For those of you who don’t care for the glamour, who would rather go to the beach or stay home and watch movies, remove the pseudo-glamour and classmates you don’t care about and what you’re left with is an equally fabulous night of fun with people who could make you forget prom even existed. Also, no grinding needed! Unless you want that.
Totally not judging you.
There it is, your ultimate guide to non-prom fun. While I wobble around in my heels, trying to be as meticulous as possible about the condition of my hair and make-up, you’ll be home, reading this blog and making your life instantly better in 10 different ways.
Your beloved blogger,