You’re home alone, tired enough to not want to move anywhere but not tired enough to go to sleep, and boredom grips you like a desperate woman with a shake weight.
What is there to do? Well your laptop is just centimeters away. Should you get started on that assignment you’ve been procrastinating on? Should you get caught up on the latest news so you’ll have something to talk about at your next luncheon? Should you stalk your ex for the 5th time that day?
Since your assignment is boring, news articles have a lot of big words and stuff, and you’re slightly freaked out about accidentally liking one of his/her statuses from last month, you think about joining an internet chat room. You know, just for funzies.
Internet chat rooms have decreased in popularity since the early 2000’s and the days of To Catch a Predator, mainly because people discovered other mediums of being creepy and horny. Along with beepers and Mandy Moore’s existence, they have become obsolete.
However, there are always those moments when you yearn for the simple activities of yesteryear, when casually asking a sttranger for their “asl” (age, sex, and location) before even saying “Hello,” was perfectly acceptable. During these moments, you get pulled into Googling one of those social sites, expecting some sort of noble evolution in the virtual world akin to the growth of cavemen to humans.
You click on something that looks safe, ignoring the “singles” rooms because you know what awaited you, and decide to enter the more amiable-looking “friends” chat or “teen” chat, expecting a more tame version of the former.
After making up a rather snazzy username like “badboy1233” or “soccerchickxo,” you click the alluring ENTER button and…. see this:
BigC: blondie85 msg me
markki: blondie85 show me pics
markki: go away Bob
candy456: this place is wierd…
markki: you spelled “weird” wrong idiot.
bigboy: anyone on here have big boobs
candy456: did not idiot
bigboy: big boob pics please
markki: i hate the world
candy456: of course you would stupid goth boy. stupid %&((&^* goth boy
markki: get out of here *&%#@$$
blondie85: logging off…
bigboy: Big. Boons.
gigigigi: I like to read playboy while hugging my teddy bear and eating avocados.
BigC: where did blondie85 go?
suck_my_d&*&: I HATE YOU ALL I HOPE YOU ALL FALL DOWN A HOLE
candy456: you are all so stupid and wierd.
Tom: um… hi?
Yup, not quite as tame as you thought. That’s not the worst part though. You’re looking at your screen, contemplating logging out, when you get a direct message(s):
bigandhorny: hey babe.
australianguy67: hi. asl.
And the creme de resistance…
ijustwantaf&$#: take off all your clothes and webcam me. I wanta taste the–
Exit, clear history, shut down, turn on TV, oh That 70’s Show!
There is a reason why some things are left in the past, rarely brought back to life except in times of disparity. There is a reason why internet chat rooms are not the best place to go especially during the wee hours of the evening. There is a reason why there is always something better to do other than going on chat rooms.
However, I won’t blame you if you succumb to the weaknesses of your curiosity. After all, I did tonight.
Just remember to find humanity and decorum among insanity and suppressed sexual aggression, or else you’ll find yourself pestering people for their asl’s in place of a real social life.
Your beloved blogger,